Friday was supposed to be a 12 miler. But a late start, unexpected "heat", headwinds, company coming for dinner and lack of full mental motivation turned what I hoped to be an "easy 12 miler" to top off my training for next week's half marathon into a very long, hard, taxing 10 miler.
Every step of the run as hard. As much as I look forward to the long, quiet time of a long run - I could feel the hesitancy before this run. I wasn't into it. It had been a long, hard week at work and I was mentally tapped. I have learned long ago that my long runs sometimes take more mental determination that physical ability and when I am feeling mentally weak - my runs become a hell of a struggle.
I was also feeling very rushed. I had hoped to start running at 3:00 in order to be home by 6:00 for our company for dinner. Instead I started at 3:45, which left only 2 hours of run time. For "normal" runners - that would be lords a plenty - but for me - that is only enough for 10.
The weather was a beautiful 70 degrees which is great for a picnic - but not so good for a spring run when all other runs have been closer to 40 and 50 degrees. And then throw in a headwind and you have a mix of a really crappy run.
Funny thing is that I was prepared to be disappointed and found myself chanting over and over, "its just a bad run, you are not a bad runner", "good to get it out of the way now and next weekend", "this too shall pass", "it should be expected - its the first bad one of the season", "there are good and bad runs, you need both", "you learn from all bad runs". And then when I was more than half way through, I heard myself saying, "don't stop now - let's get it over with", "don't throw it away."
And funny thing was, miles 7, 8, 9 were 10 minute miles. The first 5 miles s.u.c.k.e.d. No other way to log it. Crappy, awful. ick. 6 was all sucking it up and keeping going. Mile 7-9 were lovely. Like I was a different runner. 10 was a long one - but necessary for the pure principle of it.
The missing 2 miles of the run are still haunting me - and I feel a great need to find a way to redeem myself tomorrow. I need to feel a strong, easy run before Saturday.
I did all the math for Saturday in my head during Friday's run. I need to hit between 1:06 and 1:08 for the first 10K and then 1:08 to 1:10 for the second 10K and then bring it home in an even 12 minute pace for the last 1.1 miles. I have run halfs in under 2:30 when there was no pressure - so the most important thing for me to remember is to not worry about it and just stay in the mile I am running. And also, who cares if I finish in 2:30 or not. Right?
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